You Were There

Statistics indicate that we, as a society, are entering a time of year that is very difficult for many people. Research indicates that the upcoming changes of season serve as triggers for an overwhelming number of individuals within our society. These triggers can birth devastating repercussions for vulnerable souls, and their loved ones.

When serving in my vocation as a social worker, I witnessed the emotional strain the coming time of year can bring. These experiences I had with the people I served drove me to write the following piece. Intended as a monologue, this piece was inspired by real-life trauma experienced by everyday families. It is my hope that, in sharing it here, this post will serve as a source of encouragement for families going through the agonizing strain of loving those who require a love that perseveres through sorrow and strife.

You Were There 

An original monologue by Bectoria Stafford 

At the dawning of my highest need, 
You were there. 
To teach me, guide me and protect me… Always,
You were there.
When others faded into the background as distant memories, still…
You were there.
When the high times morphed into lows, 
As the afternoon sun set on my quick wit and charm, 
When all that was left was my authentic, angry self… Still, 
(In disbelief) you were there. 
When it seemed as if this great big world would swallow me whole,
You were there. 
When nothing seemed right anymore,
And all that I had seemed to never be enough.
In the twilight of my rage!
You were there.
When I hated life and God and everybody, but really just hated who I had become…
Surely, softly, stable… 
You were there. 
When I was ready to run away from it all with reckless abandon, 
When all hope was lost,
When nothing else mattered,
Amidst the midnight of my mind…
You were there.
When I would stumble and fall only to fail again,
Ever-constant,
You were there.
And now, as the darkness breaks away at the promise of a bright, new dawn, 
I bury my demons and 
I turn to face this world, 
And stand at the ready,
Armed with confidence and anticipation,
Welcoming my brilliant future!
Only because…
(Pointing out, nodding as if to say "you were there")

A Note From Mom

As we approach Mother's Day, I am reminded of the friends and family who are missing their own mothers who have passed on. It is my hope that this note will bless their hearts.

A Note From Mom

By Bectoria Stafford

My journey’s over now, and I’ve gone home, my children, you must feel all alone,

I’ve held you close, I’ve hugged you tight, and now we’ve had our last “good-night,”

I write this note, before I go, with lessons I want you to know,

In our fallen world, there is deception, in a sea of norms, be the exception,

Hold doors, learn names,

Give and forgive freely, so you’ll never know shame,

Open your hearts, to open minds,

Show the Love of your God, Divine,

Introduce yourself, take a chance,

In the wash of “I don’t knows,” take a stance,

When you meet others, look them in the eye, speak from the heart, and never lie,

Love each other, as God loves you, and read your Bible, because it’s true,

Live your life and know you’re free, and when it’s all over, you’ll come see me,

With Jesus there, He’ll welcome you in, He’ll hug you tight, your life-long friend,

Because of the grace that He gave you, you’ll be there forever in your body new,

Of all the things I could teach you, it’s what Jesus did, just for you,

That matters most, that matters at all, so in your faith, you’ll stand up tall,

To be your mom, I’ve been truly blessed, to teach you about His righteousness,

Because of Jesus and His sacrifice, you are free from sin, because He paid the price,

They say a mother’s love will never end, so show your tears, and don’t pretend,

A comforting warmth is your mother’s love, in fellowship with God above,

My life is not lost, for I am free, with my Savior for eternity,

Because of our Savior, we will meet again, so live your life fully until then,

And remember, because of Jesus Christ,

We’ll be together, forever, with Him, in paradise.

Love Always,

Mom

Cute Last-Minute Christmas Gift Idea

Running low on time and ideas for that last gift? Time to confess what we all are thinking. We all hate crap! Spare yourself the trouble of giving a knee-jerk purchase just to cross another one off your giving list. Instead, give a gift that says "I respect you enough not to fill your house with junk". Here's a solution. Consumables. I have written blog posts on the magic of giving consumables in the past and have thought of a cute new idea for this year.

Here's what you'll need...

Supplies:
Jar of consumable good (hot cocoa powder, hot fudge sauce, etc.)
Brown foam (enough for two antlers)
Googly eyes
Red paper or red craft ball (for nose)
Hot glue gun

Method:
Draw and cut antler shapes out of foam
Glue antlers to either side of your jar
Glue googly eyes to front of jar to make a face
Cut nose from red paper (or use other nose item) and glue to the jar to complete the face

And there you have it! A cute consumable any teacher/co-worker/coach, etc. would love.

Happy Giving!

Your One Stop Shop for Holiday Activity Ideas!

From my home to yours, Merry Christmas

It’s Christmastime! While it may only be December first, if you’re like me, you might already feel behind when faced with the daunting tasks this season brings. Confession time. I don’t merely want to “get through” the holidays. Instead I want to actually enjoy all the magic and splendor this season has to offer. Why should kids have all the fun?

To include all the fun and exclude the crazy, I find it best to schedule in some holiday activities. Planning ahead takes a little of the hysteria out of what should be memorable family time. To get your wheels spinning, I’ve packed this post with some fun ideas your family might enjoy.

Baking Cookies

The old standby. One thing my family and I will be doing this year is baking sugar cookies in the shape of the characters from the Nativity. We will then give these out to friends and neighbors. Here is a good recipe…

Ingredients:

1 c. butter, softened

1 ½ c. powdered sugar

1 egg

1 tsp. vanilla

2 ½ c. flour

1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. cream of tartar

¼ tsp. salt

¼ tsp. nutmeg

¼ tsp. cinnamon

Method:

          Preheat oven to 400 degrees

      Cream butter and sugar  

     Add egg and vanilla. Mix well.

     Sift dry ingredients and add them to the mixture

     Chill dough for three to five hours 

     Roll onto floured board

     Cut out cookies to desired shapes

      Cool before decorating

Christmas Caroling

An old classic that, sadly, nobody does anymore. I try to incorporate a little party with this fun activity. I have a manned fire in the front yard accompanied with appetizers and spirits indoors. After singing our merry way through our neighborhood, we return home for Christmas cookies and hot cocoa. For the adults, I will be trying my hand at hot-buttered rum this year!

Here are a few ground rules for making this a successful activity…

1) Have plenty of gloves, flashlights and glow sticks to share.

2) Have kiddies take a bathroom break BEFORE venturing out!

3) Plan which song you are going to sing before you approach each house.

4) After you have sung your selected song, start moving on to the next house while singing the chorus  

of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”. This keeps things moving.

5) Avoid chatting too much with your neighbors, leaving guests to their own devices. (Number three from this list will help with that).

Here are a few classic tunes that usually work well for this activity…   

1) Jingle Bells

2) Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

3) Silent Night

Christmas Lights Tour

Kids love to look at Christmas lights! My kids always look forward to this fun tradition. We pack up some cookies, turn on the Christmas music, grab a fresh cup of hot cocoa and drive around looking for our favorite light displays!

Here are some ways to enhance the fun with this activity…

1)    Wear PJ’s

2)    Bring cozy blankets (Sorry drivers. None for you.)

3)    Pack Christmas light glasses (found at most toy stores)

4)    Create a bingo game (include Santa’s, Nativity scenes, reindeer, etc.)

5)    Play “I Spy”

You may want to take your tour one step further by booking a tour bus with your friends and family. Many of these bus companies allow cookies and cocoa on board. If you plan such a tour, I recommend scheduled bathroom breaks and bringing extra activities for the kids, including coloring sheets, a playlist of Christmas sing-a-long music, stickers and blank paper that they can use with crayons to create their own Christmas scene. 

Christmas Cards

This year, my kids will be making Christmas cards for teachers, coaches, our mail carrier, and others who help our family in special ways. I recommend doing this as a fun way of teaching kids how to get some of the warm fuzzies of good cheer.

Here are a few ideas…

      1) Snap and print some pics ahead of time

      2) Write out some “cheery message” ideas like “Seasons Greetings”, etc.

      3) Lay out a variety of craft supplies including markers, glue, crayons, ribbon, paint, cotton balls,

          stickers, etc.    

      4) Make it a party by putting out some snacks and a fun punch

      5) Include envelopes for after the cards dry

Give Back

For me, having theatre kids means that our family is always SUPER busy during the holidays. This makes it hard to make time for volunteering. If you’re low on time, consider giving back by purchasing some necessities and giving them to those less fortunate.

Here are some ideas…

Give your child a gift card to use in purchasing a special toy for a child in need

Have your family go food shopping for a local food bank

If you live in an area with cold weather, purchase scarves, gloves and hats and tie them to trees in areas where the homeless can find them. Attach a simple note saying “If you are in need of this item, please take it as our gift to you. With love, Merry Christmas”.

Have your family purchase and fill freezer bags with other essentials including beef jerky, wipes, bottled water, clean socks, feminine hygiene products and deliver them to shelters who can get them to the homeless (skip the hand sanitizer and mouthwash, please).

While the list of potential holiday fun can go on and on, I am hopeful that I have included some fun ideas that can be made to fit easily into your schedule. Happy planning happy holidays and MERRY CHRISTMAS

Last Minute Turkey Treat

Overachieving parents. God bless ‘em. As unintentional as it may be, they can make the rest of us feel almost guilty for not reinventing the wheel every time there is a party at school. Almost.

I confess that I no longer poses the energy, time or desire to put hours into craft projects designed for any class party. That was all spent on my firstborn. If you’re with the group of us who scramble, I have an easy Turkey treat project for you that is worthy of any PTA party. Now pause for shock and awe as I tell you that your kids can actually HELP with this project!

Here is what you will need:

·      Brown Paper

·      Construction Paper (various colors)

·      White Paper

·      Glue

·      Scissors

·      Markers

·      Treat (I used prepackaged rice cereal treats)

Method:

1) Measure and cut brown paper to wrap around each treat and secure with glue

2) Cut feather shapes out of colored construction paper (or just buy feathers)

3) Secure feathers on the back of the treat with glue

4) Cut circles out of white paper. You will need two per treat (or just buy googly eyes)

5) Glue eyes to front of treat

6) Use markers to draw eyes, eyelids, eyebrows, lashes, etc.

Hint: I did an Internet search for “silly googly eyes” and got a lot of examples

7) Cut beak shapes out of orange paper and glue to face of treat

This project can be used to wrap any treat be it a rice cereal treat, juice box, etc. To create a treat bag, use the same method for creating the face and add it to a paper bag. The entire project takes only minutes to complete. Be careful to allow time for the glue to dry. Enjoy!

Top Five Must Do's to Keep Your Sanity This Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving. It’s that time of year when families and friends join in food and festivities.

Such joy. Such fun. Such STRESS!!

Want to remove some of the latter from this holiday? I’ve compiled a list of ideas to incorporate into your routine that will, hopefully, reduce the frazzle and increase the fun this Thanksgiving.

1) Make a cooking timeline.

Take the list of items you will be cooking for your feast and do a little research on how long it will take to cook each item. When doing so, please remember prep and resting times. To this, I always add a thirty-minute grace period just to make sure there is no frenzy at the end.

2)   Make dishes ahead of time.

Corn bread, pies and other dishes can be made ahead of time to cut down on workload the day of your big feast.

3)   Preset EVERYTHING!

Set tables, lay out and label serving dishes and utensils, set out stemware and other such items in advance to reduce the stress and scramble right at mealtime.

4)   DELEGATE!

Delegating can aid you in all of the above. If your brother knows he is to bring pies and Cousin Ruthie knows to help set everything out, prep and mealtime will go much more smoothly. I would even go so far as to recommend delegating clean up responsibilities. If family ages five through fourteen know they are responsible for clearing the table and family sixteen through twenty six know they are responsible for dishes while the rest take care of food storage, there will be less standing around and waiting and more socializing and fellowship for everyone to enjoy.

5)   Plan activities and snacks

Family. You gotta love ‘em but sometimes they can be grading on your nerves. Especially when you have a thousand potatoes to peel and you’re trying to walk that fine line between keeping the turkey moist enough not to turn into jerkey but warm enough to avoid salmonella poisoning. As much as they try to understand your workload for the day, all of the football in the world cannot keep everyone happy until the big meal. Kids will still get bored and Aunt Rose will still need to take her pill. A solution? Plan some activities and snacks that everyone can help themselves to throughout the day.

An iced tea, water and lemonade (or cider) station is all you really need to keep everyone happily hydrated throughout the day. Snack ideas include, protein and veggie platters, crackers with spreads, rolls with butter, corn bread muffins, a pickle platter, etc.  Really anything that can keep without too much refreshing. HINT: To keep items chilled, I set them on a plate over a bowl of ice. You can keep checking for coolness, but this trick has worked for me for years.

Plan different activities for different times of the day. Before the meal, set items out in a bin for outdoor games like football, Frisbee, etc. Indoor activities could include, building bricks, board games, large sheets with crosswords, etc.

Let’s face it. Adults take longer to eat than kids. It is for this reason that I always have a separate mealtime retreat for the kiddos where they can enjoy movies, crafts, brainteasers, etc. This keeps them occupied while adults have time to relax and reconnect.

After the meal, I always have some games and activities lined up for everyone to enjoy together. Board games, puzzles, charades or Karaoke are in usual Thanksgiving rotation at our house.

I have reflected on the experiences I have had in entertaining any number of people in my home over the past several holiday seasons and have compiled the above list in hopes to help another host setting out on this holiday venture. Take from it what you like and add to it to make it fit your unique holiday traditions and group of guests. The overarching lesson I have learned, which I hope is reflected in this post, is that a little planning ahead can make all the difference. Happy Thanksgiving!

A Message from Mom

I don’t know when it became taboo to admit that motherhood is hard. Call me crazy, but I find it far more refreshing to keep it real. So here’s my confession. Unrealistic expectations aside, the daily grind of motherhood is tough.

Let’s face it; being a mom isn’t always as glamorous as a greeting card. We start out our journey to motherhood getting pooped on, peed on, and puked on. We go for months, maybe even years without a decent night of sleep but somehow manage to encourage and wrangle an entire household of individuals to take on each new day. In later years, we become the scapegoat for all of life’s disappointments, regardless of our efforts. All the while, this fun turn of events is all encased in a nice chrysalis of guilt. “Did I do enough? Did they do too much? Should I have worked? Should I have stayed home?” Yeesh! And WHY do we sign up for these not so glamorous 18+ years of sleepless, penniless purgatory? One word. LOVE.

Whether they came to us biologically or through the beautiful miracle of adoption, our children are our treasures. We have loved them before we even knew them and we will love them through all of eternity. Yes, there will be bumps in the road. There will be messes, misunderstandings and disappointments. But there will also be victories, laughter and joy.

I have written myself a little something to help get me through the tough times. Just a short message I tell my children, if only in my head, to help us all carry on. I am posting it here today in hopes that it may help you through your inevitable rough patches as well. Blessings to you mamas! We’re all in this together!

I will never take for granted the One who gave me to you. And so…

When you fall, I will give you my hand

When you hurt, I will hurt with you

When you cry, I will cry with you

When you struggle, I will pray for you

When you succeed, I will celebrate with you

When you make a mess of things, I will teach you

When you are sick, I will care for your

When you are down, I will comfort you

Through all of life’s trials, I’ll be there for you

Love,

Mom