Now that the presents have been opened and Santa has made his yearly debut, it is my hope that everyone can reflect on the Christmas season with fond memories of merry celebrations and all of the joy that the season creates. For all of those who worry that they didn’t jam their schedules full of enough Christmas activities or fear they may have hurt junior’s feelings by having not purchased all fifty items on his “wish” list, allow me to officially let you off the hook! Too often parents get so caught up in providing a “perfect Christmas” and spend the new year with feelings of buyer’s remorse for having splurged on the “must have toy” –remember the Tickle-Me-Elmo doll from the nineties? Others are overwhelmed with feelings of grief from having spent too much time working to make the perfect memory and not enough time being a part of it. It is often these same individuals who get angry at their spouses for not sharing a zeal for going (dare I say) “over-the-top” with festive flare. For these reasons and more, many parents put so much pressure on themselves this time of year it is easy to see how many forget to enjoy the true meaning of the season.
For all those described above (myself included!), I have written the following adaptation from one of my favorite Christmas classics “The Night Before Christmas” by Clement Clarke Moore. This adaptation is a couple of years old and may be recognized by some readers, but I feel it remains relevant for many of us.
(Adapted by Bectoria L. Stafford-Crandall from “The Night Before Christmas” by Clement Clarke Moore)
T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house
Mom’s fed everyone amply so that no one could grouse
The handmade stockings were hung by the chimney with care
So that St. Nick would notice their decorative flare
The In-laws were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of their return flights home danced in Mom’s head
With Mama in the kitchen
Dad took a nap
When he sees all the gifts he’ll ask “how much was this crap?”
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
Dad sprang from the couch to see what was the matter
Outside a plastic Santa exploded in a flash
While tearing down shutters and lights with one crash
The torn down ornaments as they rest on the new fallen snow
Made Mom flustered as she looked out the adjacent window
When what to her horrified eyes should appear but a small flaming sleigh and eight incinerated reindeer
With their little old driver now melted to brick,
She knew in a moment they came with the plastic St. Nick
More rapid than eagles Dad extinguished the flames
While Mom bristled and shouted and called Dad some names
That Dasher! That Dancer! That Prancer! That Vixon!
That Comet! That Cupid! That Donder! That Blitzen!
"I didn’t want them on the porch! I told you that at the mall!
Now throw the lawn ornaments away! Melted plastic and all!"
As dry leaves before a wild hurricane fly Dad’s temper met with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So out of the house as coursers he flew
Throwing out all his burnt toys, and St. Nicholas too.
And then in a twinkling, she heard on the roof
The grunting and struggling from that stubborn old goof
As she drew in her head and was turning around
Down the chimney her Christmas lights came in a bound
This caused her to stir from her head to her foot
As she looked at her once twinkling lights now tarnished with ashes and soot
A bundle of burnt toys Dad had flung on his back
As he came in like a peddler to open his garbage sack
His eyes- how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow
And poor Mama’s face was as white as the snow
She stomped to the door and clenched tightly her teeth
She turned around and encircled Dad’s head with the wreath
She pulled it past his broad face and then patted his belly
It shook when he flinched like a bowlful of jelly
He called her chubby and plump, like a jolly old elf
He had to laugh when he said this in spite of himself
A wink of her eye and a twist of her head
Soon gave him to know he had something to dread
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work
Threw out his golf clubs, then called him a jerk,
He exclaimed “I’m so sorry” as she went for his fishing poles
And then giving a nod, she quickly froze
As he completed her Christmas Eve“honey-do” list, her anger did fizzle
When he was done, to bed he flew like the down of a thistle
And she lovingly whispered as she turned out the light
Happy Christmas to all and y’all better sleep tight!
Sometimes all a well-meaning parent needs is to take a step back and reflect on what is truly important. It is healthy for parents to remind themselves that children probably don’t want their parents to be stressed out and overburdened with details and tasks, especially at such a magical time of year as Christmas. Children who are shuttled all over and forced to partake in every single “Christmassy” activity available by well-meaning but frenzied parents may reflect back and ask “who stole Christmas”? Instead, families just may benefit from parents prescribing themselves a yuletide “chill pill” and putting emphasis on small but special memories rather than jamming as much forced cheer into the holiday season as is humanly possible. Perhaps taking a moment to enjoy the magic of the season through the eyes of a child will spark an appreciation for those simpler things that make the season so great and time with family feel that much more special.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Advocating for Cultural Sensitivity: Something to be Thankful For!
As the festivities of the Thanksgiving holiday draw to a close and our household shifts to the feelings and thoughts of the Christmas season, I find myself in an overwhelming state of relief. Many find relief at this time of year in realizing the completion of endless meal planning, food prep or simply by no longer having to clean their homes to the point that it looks like no one lives there. Rather, my relief comes from knowing that the endless, awkward dialogue between me and my daughter’s educators can, for now, be laid to rest.
Having spent many of my growing up years in the Pacific Northwest I am acutely aware of how privileged I was to have been exposed to so many different traditions of the indigenous people of that area. Now that I live in Ohio, where there remains a devastating lack of indigenous people, I knew when sending my daughter to school that cultural sensitivity to North America’s indigenous cultures within the school system may be a challenge. Having parented foster children who attended public school, I knew that this issue would be at its most challenging during lessons planned in preparation of the Thanksgiving holiday. Knowing this, I requested a meeting with my daughter’s school teacher to discuss her curriculum for the month of November. My daughter’s teacher thoughtfully obliged by immediately scheduling a formal meeting which also included the school’s headmistress.
As the day of the meeting approached, my husband and I engaged in long discussions about our value systems regarding cultural sensitivity toward the variety of indigenous cultures of North America. Included in these discussions was the understanding that not all individuals put so much importance on being sensitive to this diverse group. I also had to acknowledge that, during my discussion with the teacher, I may find myself in a position wherein there would be little to no room for compromise with regard to her lesson plans. To prepare for this, we developed an informal list of “non-negotiable” items or values that we did not want compromised by the teacher’s lesson plans. Included in this list of non-negotiable items was any learning activity that projected a negative or unrealistic stereotype of the indigenous people of North America, the use of derogatory song lyrics, images or story content or any subject matter that would make any member of any indigenous group appear less than the cultural majority. While this list of non-negotiable items may seem obvious and simplistic, one might be surprised.
In addition to our list of non-negotiable items, it was also my hope that my daughter’s teacher include into her lesson planning the understanding that indigenous people are by no means extinct, that they are not all the same, specifically that they do not all wear “buckskins”, live in “tipi’s” and that they do not all ride horse. Perhaps my hopes were too high.
When the day of the meeting arrived, I entered into what would become a very uncomfortable dialogue, with an open mind and a heart set on mutual understanding. Soon after the meeting began, my concerns for cultural sensitivity were, unfortunately, validated. After making the statement that she couldn’t promise not to use the term “Indian” during her lessons, my daughter’s teacher, along with the school’s headmistress continually asked me throughout the meeting what was culturally inappropriate about having the children engage in activities like making paper tipi’s for their Thanksgiving table, or coloring pictures of children in buckskins pictured with “pilgrims”. While they were obviously being as painstakingly respectful as they could, when they asked why I had a problem with each of these learning activities, it became clear to me that the two were merely trying to placate a concerned parent rather than trying to reach further cultural understanding through open dialogue.
Finally, when I was asked why I had a problem with counting the “little Indian” heads going into a tipi or reading a story about a “little Indian chief” I had to use what little tact I had to say that such activities are dehumanizing. What soon became overwhelmingly clear to me during this meeting was that I was seen as oversensitive, at best. Knowing that I didn’t want my daughter to suffer from what ill regard her teacher may develop for me as a result of this meeting, I struggled throughout the meeting to remain positive and work toward an understanding. Eventually, I found it necessary to declare a cease fire by stating that it was clear that we had different perspectives on the issue. From there, we went over each activity and piece of curriculum planned for the month while they had me point out which items I had a problem with. The teacher then decided to have the class engage in those learning activities on a given day while I opted to have my child stay home. One of the learning activities that my daughter would miss out on was a craft project during which the children would make a paper head band with feathers sticking out of it after which time they would cut a paper sack to look like a buckskin vest. Because these items would be worn during a class pow wow celebration, and because I did not want my daughter to feel excluded in any way, I opted, instead, to have my daughter wear to this celebration a piece of authentic regalia that would actually be worn to a pow wow.
To say that the month of November proceeded without a hitch would be farfetched. However, when issues would arise, like for instance when my daughter would come home with a tipi or other inappropriate item, I would respond quickly with my daughter by educating her as best I could about the given item and as respectfully as I could with the teacher by maintaining an open dialogue about my concerns. The fact that I did have to remain so vigilant did surprise me, however. As I had stated during my meeting with the teacher and headmistress, it would occur to me that an educational institution would want to continue to learn and always seek new knowledge to pass on to its students. Unfortunately, my experiences over the past month have given me all evidence to the contrary. What I found almost as disheartening as the inappropriate curriculum content itself was the realization that a teacher wouldn’t want to change curriculum over the course of a thirty year career even after having concerns raised by parents.
I don’t claim to have any more than a basic knowledge of the vast number of indigenous groups within this country nor do I think myself qualified to set the standard of cultural sensitivity in any way. To have a conversation with such a person would be, without a doubt, enlightening. Rather, I am simply sharing the real-life experience of a mom trying to ensure that my child receive the most culturally appropriate education possible. I am sure that I am not alone and that other parents have faced similar challenges. It is my hope that sharing my experience offers some sense of camaraderie and encouragement to all those facing similar issues in taking an active role in educating their children.
Having spent many of my growing up years in the Pacific Northwest I am acutely aware of how privileged I was to have been exposed to so many different traditions of the indigenous people of that area. Now that I live in Ohio, where there remains a devastating lack of indigenous people, I knew when sending my daughter to school that cultural sensitivity to North America’s indigenous cultures within the school system may be a challenge. Having parented foster children who attended public school, I knew that this issue would be at its most challenging during lessons planned in preparation of the Thanksgiving holiday. Knowing this, I requested a meeting with my daughter’s school teacher to discuss her curriculum for the month of November. My daughter’s teacher thoughtfully obliged by immediately scheduling a formal meeting which also included the school’s headmistress.
As the day of the meeting approached, my husband and I engaged in long discussions about our value systems regarding cultural sensitivity toward the variety of indigenous cultures of North America. Included in these discussions was the understanding that not all individuals put so much importance on being sensitive to this diverse group. I also had to acknowledge that, during my discussion with the teacher, I may find myself in a position wherein there would be little to no room for compromise with regard to her lesson plans. To prepare for this, we developed an informal list of “non-negotiable” items or values that we did not want compromised by the teacher’s lesson plans. Included in this list of non-negotiable items was any learning activity that projected a negative or unrealistic stereotype of the indigenous people of North America, the use of derogatory song lyrics, images or story content or any subject matter that would make any member of any indigenous group appear less than the cultural majority. While this list of non-negotiable items may seem obvious and simplistic, one might be surprised.
In addition to our list of non-negotiable items, it was also my hope that my daughter’s teacher include into her lesson planning the understanding that indigenous people are by no means extinct, that they are not all the same, specifically that they do not all wear “buckskins”, live in “tipi’s” and that they do not all ride horse. Perhaps my hopes were too high.
When the day of the meeting arrived, I entered into what would become a very uncomfortable dialogue, with an open mind and a heart set on mutual understanding. Soon after the meeting began, my concerns for cultural sensitivity were, unfortunately, validated. After making the statement that she couldn’t promise not to use the term “Indian” during her lessons, my daughter’s teacher, along with the school’s headmistress continually asked me throughout the meeting what was culturally inappropriate about having the children engage in activities like making paper tipi’s for their Thanksgiving table, or coloring pictures of children in buckskins pictured with “pilgrims”. While they were obviously being as painstakingly respectful as they could, when they asked why I had a problem with each of these learning activities, it became clear to me that the two were merely trying to placate a concerned parent rather than trying to reach further cultural understanding through open dialogue.
Finally, when I was asked why I had a problem with counting the “little Indian” heads going into a tipi or reading a story about a “little Indian chief” I had to use what little tact I had to say that such activities are dehumanizing. What soon became overwhelmingly clear to me during this meeting was that I was seen as oversensitive, at best. Knowing that I didn’t want my daughter to suffer from what ill regard her teacher may develop for me as a result of this meeting, I struggled throughout the meeting to remain positive and work toward an understanding. Eventually, I found it necessary to declare a cease fire by stating that it was clear that we had different perspectives on the issue. From there, we went over each activity and piece of curriculum planned for the month while they had me point out which items I had a problem with. The teacher then decided to have the class engage in those learning activities on a given day while I opted to have my child stay home. One of the learning activities that my daughter would miss out on was a craft project during which the children would make a paper head band with feathers sticking out of it after which time they would cut a paper sack to look like a buckskin vest. Because these items would be worn during a class pow wow celebration, and because I did not want my daughter to feel excluded in any way, I opted, instead, to have my daughter wear to this celebration a piece of authentic regalia that would actually be worn to a pow wow.
To say that the month of November proceeded without a hitch would be farfetched. However, when issues would arise, like for instance when my daughter would come home with a tipi or other inappropriate item, I would respond quickly with my daughter by educating her as best I could about the given item and as respectfully as I could with the teacher by maintaining an open dialogue about my concerns. The fact that I did have to remain so vigilant did surprise me, however. As I had stated during my meeting with the teacher and headmistress, it would occur to me that an educational institution would want to continue to learn and always seek new knowledge to pass on to its students. Unfortunately, my experiences over the past month have given me all evidence to the contrary. What I found almost as disheartening as the inappropriate curriculum content itself was the realization that a teacher wouldn’t want to change curriculum over the course of a thirty year career even after having concerns raised by parents.
I don’t claim to have any more than a basic knowledge of the vast number of indigenous groups within this country nor do I think myself qualified to set the standard of cultural sensitivity in any way. To have a conversation with such a person would be, without a doubt, enlightening. Rather, I am simply sharing the real-life experience of a mom trying to ensure that my child receive the most culturally appropriate education possible. I am sure that I am not alone and that other parents have faced similar challenges. It is my hope that sharing my experience offers some sense of camaraderie and encouragement to all those facing similar issues in taking an active role in educating their children.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Cutting Out the Costume Craziness
Let me start this entry with a confession. I am one of those parents who tend to get a little particular about what my children wear for Halloween. Make no mistake, however. Over the years, I have learned to reel myself in and remind myself that Halloween is about the kids and not about how absurdly creative I can be. I know that I am not alone in this as I have seen other parents lose their heads when it comes to kids in costume. I guess confession number two would be that I justify my obsessing over the perfect Halloween garb by telling myself that “at least I’m not as bad as some.” Realizing the error in this thinking, I have decided this year to set aside this poor excuse for justification and write down some helpful suggestions.
Many parents think that they need to purchase the latest and greatest costumes available online or in stores in order properly capture the Halloween spirit. There is nothing wrong with this. I have certainly been known to scour the net and the greater Seattle area for the perfect frock for my little ones. One of the lessons I learned as a foster parent was that whatever I perceived as the cutest “must have” costume may not be along the same lines as what my children wanted to wear. For this reason, I changed my tactics a bit and still use these simple self-imposed rules today with my biological children. Now that my eldest is old enough to choose for herself, I always consult her first and then, without fail, make my first stop our dress-up boxes which hold dozens of costumes ready for the picking. I am always surprised at the time and money that I save in altering something that we already own. My daughter gets a thrill out of helping me create her one-of-a-kind costume and shows a certain pride in wearing it for Halloween.
Okay. So here comes confession number three… I am one of those parents to look for a theme in dressing my kids for Halloween. I’m sure this will be something they roll their eyes at later, but for now, I indulge. Because my youngest is still too young to have an opinion, I try to avoid making her an accessory while trying to match her costume to whatever theme my eldest thinks up. Last year, my eldest wanted to be Sleeping Beauty. We were lucky in that we already had the costume leftover from a recent family vacation. I was then able to use my limited hand-stitching skills to convert a pea costume and matching hat from a mermaid tail that had been handed down from an older cousin. This year, my daughter has chosen to be “Awice-in-Wondawand”. Naturally, I was able to make some additions to a bunny costume we already owned and have our youngest go as the “White Rabbit” from that story.
Once the perfect costume has been selected, many parents lose their minds and become anxious about actually letting their children enjoy their costumes. I have seen some parents make their children take off their costumes before enjoying certain Halloween treats, or even scold them for getting messy during Halloween events. I know that it is fun to keep costumes for dress-up later, but I do wonder what the problem would be with a little spillage or even a stain if the costume is just intended for play anyway. To avoid the worry, I recommend setting aside a time to get the cute, keepsake pictures done ahead of time. Some parents opt to get professional shots but pictures taken at a park, a local garden center with fall color or even at events with cute Halloween scenes can be just as perfect for capturing the memories. Once the perfect pictures are taken, parents should let their children enjoy their costumes, messes and all. Chances are it is those memories and not the costumes themselves that they will cherish.
Many parents think that they need to purchase the latest and greatest costumes available online or in stores in order properly capture the Halloween spirit. There is nothing wrong with this. I have certainly been known to scour the net and the greater Seattle area for the perfect frock for my little ones. One of the lessons I learned as a foster parent was that whatever I perceived as the cutest “must have” costume may not be along the same lines as what my children wanted to wear. For this reason, I changed my tactics a bit and still use these simple self-imposed rules today with my biological children. Now that my eldest is old enough to choose for herself, I always consult her first and then, without fail, make my first stop our dress-up boxes which hold dozens of costumes ready for the picking. I am always surprised at the time and money that I save in altering something that we already own. My daughter gets a thrill out of helping me create her one-of-a-kind costume and shows a certain pride in wearing it for Halloween.
Okay. So here comes confession number three… I am one of those parents to look for a theme in dressing my kids for Halloween. I’m sure this will be something they roll their eyes at later, but for now, I indulge. Because my youngest is still too young to have an opinion, I try to avoid making her an accessory while trying to match her costume to whatever theme my eldest thinks up. Last year, my eldest wanted to be Sleeping Beauty. We were lucky in that we already had the costume leftover from a recent family vacation. I was then able to use my limited hand-stitching skills to convert a pea costume and matching hat from a mermaid tail that had been handed down from an older cousin. This year, my daughter has chosen to be “Awice-in-Wondawand”. Naturally, I was able to make some additions to a bunny costume we already owned and have our youngest go as the “White Rabbit” from that story.
Once the perfect costume has been selected, many parents lose their minds and become anxious about actually letting their children enjoy their costumes. I have seen some parents make their children take off their costumes before enjoying certain Halloween treats, or even scold them for getting messy during Halloween events. I know that it is fun to keep costumes for dress-up later, but I do wonder what the problem would be with a little spillage or even a stain if the costume is just intended for play anyway. To avoid the worry, I recommend setting aside a time to get the cute, keepsake pictures done ahead of time. Some parents opt to get professional shots but pictures taken at a park, a local garden center with fall color or even at events with cute Halloween scenes can be just as perfect for capturing the memories. Once the perfect pictures are taken, parents should let their children enjoy their costumes, messes and all. Chances are it is those memories and not the costumes themselves that they will cherish.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Pumpkin Carving - A Halloween MUST DO!
By no small miracle, my little family made it, once more, through an exhaustive and fun-filled summer! My eldest child and I survived her first day of preschool and all of the enthusiasm and bitter-sweetness brought on by that milestone-the latter only experienced by me, of course. I am now keeping my family busy through the changing of seasons in preparing my household for upcoming fall festivities. While the stores in this country insist on marketing Christmas items in September, I encourage parents not to miss all of the fun that the current season makes available. In addition to spur-of-the-moment fun that can be had by taking a nature walk, making a homemade wreath of leaves or stomping in some puddles planning to attend events around Halloween can bring some fall excitement as well. You never know, some events may be so fun they may quickly become fun family traditions.
When parents think of Halloween, they immediately think of pumpkin carving. To little kids, pumpkins are a very big deal and I encourage all parents to get as creative and goopy as is physically possible! Visiting a pumpkin patch to pick just the right jewel is a fun tradition shared by many families. Many pumpkin patches go to great lengths to attract the crowds, so a quick online search to see what different activities pumpkin patches have to offer could prove beneficial. Once at the pumpkin patch parents can have just as much fun as their kids if they enter into this venture with the understanding that yes. They will be wet and dirty by the end of the activity and no. Their children are not going to choose the pumpkin that they themselves would have picked. Sticking to these rules can help parents maintain their sense of sanity during this outing. Many parents can find a lot of joy in standing back and letting the photo ops happen.
Once at home, carving the pumpkin can be fun as a family activity or as one shared with others. For many years, our family made pumpkin carving an annual party. To create their unique work of art, many think that they need to purchase a pre-packaged kit, but I have found that cutlery and large utensils from home work even better. A friend even taught me the trick of using coloring pages as templates to satisfy the perfectionist within. Always reminding myself to keep the activity child-centered, I have the child pick the pumpkin theme and then stand back and let the guts fly and the magic happen being careful to only step in when cutting is needed or interest has been momentarily lost. This allows the child to have ownership in the little orange creation and takes all the seriousness out of what should be a fun activity.
What I enjoy the most about the entire pumpkin carving tradition is allowing my children to take pride in what they have created. We always have them proudly display their pumpkins and then take pictures galore of them with their new treasures. While the days get shorter and the to-do lists get longer I encourage all parents to be sure not to overlook this very simple but very fun opportunity. Whether they are spooky or silly, sassy or sweet pumpkin carving is its own special treat!
When parents think of Halloween, they immediately think of pumpkin carving. To little kids, pumpkins are a very big deal and I encourage all parents to get as creative and goopy as is physically possible! Visiting a pumpkin patch to pick just the right jewel is a fun tradition shared by many families. Many pumpkin patches go to great lengths to attract the crowds, so a quick online search to see what different activities pumpkin patches have to offer could prove beneficial. Once at the pumpkin patch parents can have just as much fun as their kids if they enter into this venture with the understanding that yes. They will be wet and dirty by the end of the activity and no. Their children are not going to choose the pumpkin that they themselves would have picked. Sticking to these rules can help parents maintain their sense of sanity during this outing. Many parents can find a lot of joy in standing back and letting the photo ops happen.
Once at home, carving the pumpkin can be fun as a family activity or as one shared with others. For many years, our family made pumpkin carving an annual party. To create their unique work of art, many think that they need to purchase a pre-packaged kit, but I have found that cutlery and large utensils from home work even better. A friend even taught me the trick of using coloring pages as templates to satisfy the perfectionist within. Always reminding myself to keep the activity child-centered, I have the child pick the pumpkin theme and then stand back and let the guts fly and the magic happen being careful to only step in when cutting is needed or interest has been momentarily lost. This allows the child to have ownership in the little orange creation and takes all the seriousness out of what should be a fun activity.
What I enjoy the most about the entire pumpkin carving tradition is allowing my children to take pride in what they have created. We always have them proudly display their pumpkins and then take pictures galore of them with their new treasures. While the days get shorter and the to-do lists get longer I encourage all parents to be sure not to overlook this very simple but very fun opportunity. Whether they are spooky or silly, sassy or sweet pumpkin carving is its own special treat!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Back and Ready to Report all the Action!
Coming back from an extended hiatus, I find myself full of the same enthusiasm that I had when I began this blog months ago. Although my interest in pursuing this venture remained, quickly after I began blogging I found myself in a situation shared, I am sure, by many parents who stay at home. Because my family needed more time from me, I was happy to put their needs first and save my blogging for another day.
Part of this time was spent conducting an arduous job search in a very unfriendly economic climate. If I am to be at all candid I must divulge that as hard as I tried it was almost impossible to put my heart into this venture. I am sure that other parents faced with the same issues can relate. While trying to be as selective in finding the perfect fit as the market would allow, I faced an ongoing inner struggle. This struggle came from knowing that while working outside the home would provide my family with greater financial freedoms, I would be leaving my children to be left in the care and influence of someone other than myself.
Shortly after being offered a position, I learned that I am now expecting my third child. This solidified in my mind the need to continue to stay at home with my family and be a resource to them here. Following a great deal of support from my loving friends, I declined the job offer and chose to focus for the time being on my children and my current pregnancy. I feel fortunate that I am in the position that affords me the privilege to stay at home. I also feel a great deal of relief that instantly came with the realization that I am able to continue being a stay-at-home mom which has always been a lifelong dream.
Accompanying my decision not to rejoin the workforce at this time came some very real budgeting efforts to provide boundaries necessary during these economic times. I am sure that these efforts will be reflected in fun stories and helpful hints in later posts.
For now I am happy to be back as a naptime blogger and look forward to all that the future has to offer myself, my family and my readers as my life’s always interesting, never routine journey as a stay-at-home mom continues.
Part of this time was spent conducting an arduous job search in a very unfriendly economic climate. If I am to be at all candid I must divulge that as hard as I tried it was almost impossible to put my heart into this venture. I am sure that other parents faced with the same issues can relate. While trying to be as selective in finding the perfect fit as the market would allow, I faced an ongoing inner struggle. This struggle came from knowing that while working outside the home would provide my family with greater financial freedoms, I would be leaving my children to be left in the care and influence of someone other than myself.
Shortly after being offered a position, I learned that I am now expecting my third child. This solidified in my mind the need to continue to stay at home with my family and be a resource to them here. Following a great deal of support from my loving friends, I declined the job offer and chose to focus for the time being on my children and my current pregnancy. I feel fortunate that I am in the position that affords me the privilege to stay at home. I also feel a great deal of relief that instantly came with the realization that I am able to continue being a stay-at-home mom which has always been a lifelong dream.
Accompanying my decision not to rejoin the workforce at this time came some very real budgeting efforts to provide boundaries necessary during these economic times. I am sure that these efforts will be reflected in fun stories and helpful hints in later posts.
For now I am happy to be back as a naptime blogger and look forward to all that the future has to offer myself, my family and my readers as my life’s always interesting, never routine journey as a stay-at-home mom continues.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
An Infuential Climate
Living in Ohio, I have come to learn to appreciate the ability to experience all four seasons. As the seasons change I have seen how the bitter and gloomy days of winter tend to exacerbate the already foul mood of many brought on by our nation’s economic climate. It is at this that I caution parents, as the days grow longer and as we try to stretch our dollars further, to always be wary of your words and actions around those whom you are molding. I speak for myself as well when I say that while we as parents may do our best to shelter our children from worrisome issues, we often fall short in our efforts to hide our attitudes about issues bringing us the most constant stress in our everyday lives. Too often we unwittingly divulge negative attitudes and opinions through our actions and off-collar remarks. Therein lays the danger as it is these actions and statements that too often sneak into the consciousness of those most impressionable in our homes.
I was reminded of this very truth just this morning when making myself that savory cup of coffee that I cherish every morning. While I poured myself that first long awaited cup, my three-year-old asked “mommy? Are you having some coffee because you are a cranky pants?” I had to laugh at this question because I instantly knew that she was referring to a statement that I had made about my need to have a morning cup of Joe. I was taken aback by the fact that not only had she used my words verbatim, but I had made this statement over a week ago.
This morning’s interaction got me thinking about other instances wherein children have made statements based on the words or actions of the adults in their lives. I was soon reminded of a conversation that I had while working as a social worker. While driving an eleven-year-old boy back to his foster home after a scheduled visitation with a family member, the boy informed me that he did not like a particular ethnic group. Upon further inquiry, the boy stated that he did not like this ethnic group because his mother’s boyfriend had told him that those within this particular group lived on government assistance. I still remember struggling to swallow my shock while trying to turn the conversation into one of my infamous “teachable moments”. I then spent the remainder of the conversation trying to educate this poor kid on the error of this ideology in the most developmentally appropriate manner possible. Knowing my efforts had been in vain, I remember telling myself after the fact that at least I had made myself feel better.
Thinking about that incident made me realize just how much influence parents have on our children. Friends of my husband’s family often recount a conversation that they once had with him when he was a young boy. After dinner he was asked to take his dishes to the kitchen. To which he stated “that’s women’s work”. I know my in-laws enough to know that my father-in-law would never dare to utter these words, which calls into question the impact our actions have on our young ones understanding of how the world works.
It is my hope that these few examples help serve as a reminder to all of us to stay vigilant in the statements we make and the actions we take around those who look to us for those important life lessons. While we may be experiencing very difficult economic times in these harsh and gloomy days ahead, we must remind ourselves to think, act and be positive influences because our children are always watching and listening.
I was reminded of this very truth just this morning when making myself that savory cup of coffee that I cherish every morning. While I poured myself that first long awaited cup, my three-year-old asked “mommy? Are you having some coffee because you are a cranky pants?” I had to laugh at this question because I instantly knew that she was referring to a statement that I had made about my need to have a morning cup of Joe. I was taken aback by the fact that not only had she used my words verbatim, but I had made this statement over a week ago.
This morning’s interaction got me thinking about other instances wherein children have made statements based on the words or actions of the adults in their lives. I was soon reminded of a conversation that I had while working as a social worker. While driving an eleven-year-old boy back to his foster home after a scheduled visitation with a family member, the boy informed me that he did not like a particular ethnic group. Upon further inquiry, the boy stated that he did not like this ethnic group because his mother’s boyfriend had told him that those within this particular group lived on government assistance. I still remember struggling to swallow my shock while trying to turn the conversation into one of my infamous “teachable moments”. I then spent the remainder of the conversation trying to educate this poor kid on the error of this ideology in the most developmentally appropriate manner possible. Knowing my efforts had been in vain, I remember telling myself after the fact that at least I had made myself feel better.
Thinking about that incident made me realize just how much influence parents have on our children. Friends of my husband’s family often recount a conversation that they once had with him when he was a young boy. After dinner he was asked to take his dishes to the kitchen. To which he stated “that’s women’s work”. I know my in-laws enough to know that my father-in-law would never dare to utter these words, which calls into question the impact our actions have on our young ones understanding of how the world works.
It is my hope that these few examples help serve as a reminder to all of us to stay vigilant in the statements we make and the actions we take around those who look to us for those important life lessons. While we may be experiencing very difficult economic times in these harsh and gloomy days ahead, we must remind ourselves to think, act and be positive influences because our children are always watching and listening.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Teachable Moments
Anyone who spends any amount of time with children will tell you that the most teachable moments can happen at the least expected times. One such moment happened while in the car with three of my foster children. As we drove, the inevitable happened and someone's foot strayed a little too far across an imaginary line. Words were exchanged and the conversation ended with the offended party stating "I will never forgive you". Trying my best not to lecture, I took this opportunity to simply share that God forgives all of us for everything and so we should forgive each other. To this, the bystander in the back seat chimed in with "God's the boss!"
Children have the innate ability to turn those teachable moments into learning moments for us all. For this we should treasure each moment we have with them.
Children have the innate ability to turn those teachable moments into learning moments for us all. For this we should treasure each moment we have with them.
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