An Infuential Climate

Living in Ohio, I have come to learn to appreciate the ability to experience all four seasons. As the seasons change I have seen how the bitter and gloomy days of winter tend to exacerbate the already foul mood of many brought on by our nation’s economic climate. It is at this that I caution parents, as the days grow longer and as we try to stretch our dollars further, to always be wary of your words and actions around those whom you are molding. I speak for myself as well when I say that while we as parents may do our best to shelter our children from worrisome issues, we often fall short in our efforts to hide our attitudes about issues bringing us the most constant stress in our everyday lives. Too often we unwittingly divulge negative attitudes and opinions through our actions and off-collar remarks. Therein lays the danger as it is these actions and statements that too often sneak into the consciousness of those most impressionable in our homes.

I was reminded of this very truth just this morning when making myself that savory cup of coffee that I cherish every morning. While I poured myself that first long awaited cup, my three-year-old asked “mommy? Are you having some coffee because you are a cranky pants?” I had to laugh at this question because I instantly knew that she was referring to a statement that I had made about my need to have a morning cup of Joe. I was taken aback by the fact that not only had she used my words verbatim, but I had made this statement over a week ago.

This morning’s interaction got me thinking about other instances wherein children have made statements based on the words or actions of the adults in their lives. I was soon reminded of a conversation that I had while working as a social worker. While driving an eleven-year-old boy back to his foster home after a scheduled visitation with a family member, the boy informed me that he did not like a particular ethnic group. Upon further inquiry, the boy stated that he did not like this ethnic group because his mother’s boyfriend had told him that those within this particular group lived on government assistance. I still remember struggling to swallow my shock while trying to turn the conversation into one of my infamous “teachable moments”. I then spent the remainder of the conversation trying to educate this poor kid on the error of this ideology in the most developmentally appropriate manner possible. Knowing my efforts had been in vain, I remember telling myself after the fact that at least I had made myself feel better.

Thinking about that incident made me realize just how much influence parents have on our children. Friends of my husband’s family often recount a conversation that they once had with him when he was a young boy. After dinner he was asked to take his dishes to the kitchen. To which he stated “that’s women’s work”. I know my in-laws enough to know that my father-in-law would never dare to utter these words, which calls into question the impact our actions have on our young ones understanding of how the world works.

It is my hope that these few examples help serve as a reminder to all of us to stay vigilant in the statements we make and the actions we take around those who look to us for those important life lessons. While we may be experiencing very difficult economic times in these harsh and gloomy days ahead, we must remind ourselves to think, act and be positive influences because our children are always watching and listening.

Teachable Moments

Anyone who spends any amount of time with children will tell you that the most teachable moments can happen at the least expected times. One such moment happened while in the car with three of my foster children. As we drove, the inevitable happened and someone's foot strayed a little too far across an imaginary line. Words were exchanged and the conversation ended with the offended party stating "I will never forgive you". Trying my best not to lecture, I took this opportunity to simply share that God forgives all of us for everything and so we should forgive each other. To this, the bystander in the back seat chimed in with "God's the boss!"

Children have the innate ability to turn those teachable moments into learning moments for us all. For this we should treasure each moment we have with them.

Perfect in Public

Because of my background, many people look to me to be the "perfect parent". This makes me all too aware of the actions of my own small children when out in public. Knowing that this is clearly unfair to my little ones I decidedly took a deeper look at the behaviors and attitudes of adults (mainly other parents) when the all-too-common phenomenon of "acting out in public" occurs. It is in the effort of nullifying the need for a "perfect child" or a "perfect parent" that I would like to share my conclusion with you.

It is a common misconception of many parents to think that they have all the answers to any given parenting situation. If you doubt this, take a look around the next time you have the blessed opportunity to endure one of your child's fits in public. Chances are, the looks given by other parents send the message that "their children would never do such a thing". Oh please. What if we were to interview their children? Chances are, they would share with us just how imperfect their parents really are. The reality is, all parents are going to experience difficult situations with their kids. What's more important to remember is that no one can prepare you for these situations. Because no two children are the same, there is no crystal ball in how to address behaviors or other unexpected circumstances. For that reason, please give yourself a break and take a "roll-with-the punches" attitude when raising your kids. Chances are they will thank you for it.

Notorious Misadventures

I am often hesitant to share my professional and educational background with parents because I am often percieved as the "end all be all" of parenting and child-rearing advice. Notice there is no "Ph.D." at the end of my name. Those who are closest to me know that I believe that life needs to become a little messy in order to be truly meaningful. They would also share with you that life under my roof is full of sponteneity and laughter, the latter usually resulting from the former. This blog could just have easily been named "The Notorious Misadventures of a Stay-At-Home Mom". Having worked with many children whether professionally, as a foster mother or in raising my own biological children, I have many fun and unforgettable experiences in my heart that I would like to share. It is with this blog that I would like to identify and celebrate those heartwarming moments while celebrating children and their innocent hilarity.