Living in Ohio, I have come to learn to appreciate the ability to experience all four seasons. As the seasons change I have seen how the bitter and gloomy days of winter tend to exacerbate the already foul mood of many brought on by our nation’s economic climate. It is at this that I caution parents, as the days grow longer and as we try to stretch our dollars further, to always be wary of your words and actions around those whom you are molding. I speak for myself as well when I say that while we as parents may do our best to shelter our children from worrisome issues, we often fall short in our efforts to hide our attitudes about issues bringing us the most constant stress in our everyday lives. Too often we unwittingly divulge negative attitudes and opinions through our actions and off-collar remarks. Therein lays the danger as it is these actions and statements that too often sneak into the consciousness of those most impressionable in our homes.
I was reminded of this very truth just this morning when making myself that savory cup of coffee that I cherish every morning. While I poured myself that first long awaited cup, my three-year-old asked “mommy? Are you having some coffee because you are a cranky pants?” I had to laugh at this question because I instantly knew that she was referring to a statement that I had made about my need to have a morning cup of Joe. I was taken aback by the fact that not only had she used my words verbatim, but I had made this statement over a week ago.
This morning’s interaction got me thinking about other instances wherein children have made statements based on the words or actions of the adults in their lives. I was soon reminded of a conversation that I had while working as a social worker. While driving an eleven-year-old boy back to his foster home after a scheduled visitation with a family member, the boy informed me that he did not like a particular ethnic group. Upon further inquiry, the boy stated that he did not like this ethnic group because his mother’s boyfriend had told him that those within this particular group lived on government assistance. I still remember struggling to swallow my shock while trying to turn the conversation into one of my infamous “teachable moments”. I then spent the remainder of the conversation trying to educate this poor kid on the error of this ideology in the most developmentally appropriate manner possible. Knowing my efforts had been in vain, I remember telling myself after the fact that at least I had made myself feel better.
Thinking about that incident made me realize just how much influence parents have on our children. Friends of my husband’s family often recount a conversation that they once had with him when he was a young boy. After dinner he was asked to take his dishes to the kitchen. To which he stated “that’s women’s work”. I know my in-laws enough to know that my father-in-law would never dare to utter these words, which calls into question the impact our actions have on our young ones understanding of how the world works.
It is my hope that these few examples help serve as a reminder to all of us to stay vigilant in the statements we make and the actions we take around those who look to us for those important life lessons. While we may be experiencing very difficult economic times in these harsh and gloomy days ahead, we must remind ourselves to think, act and be positive influences because our children are always watching and listening.
