A Little Holiday Humor

Since my last post, I have been told by some readers that they still have difficulty getting out of the hustle and bustle and into the true spirit of this holiday season. After telling them that it isn’t too late to find some holiday cheer, these holiday hold-outs ask me how I do it. Because I am a realist, I begin every holiday season with a quick self reminder (my own holiday chill-pill, if you will) that I have a houseful of small children (three under the age of five) and that mishaps will happen. Past experiences from parenting my biological children and also our foster children has taught me that… a) the gingerbread house will be torn to smithereens by Christmas Eve, b) the stockings that I have hung by the chimney with care will be yanked down repeatedly for the sole purpose of “just checking”, c) wrapping paper and tape will be used to make forts throughout the house and d) artfully coordinated ornaments will be used as toys. The most important lesson that I gained from repeated experiences much like those listed above is to ALWAYS expect ANYTHING to go wrong at ANY time throughout this season of joy and togetherness.

How do I get through the season while remaining sane and my house in one piece? By taking my own advice from my previous post and “enjoying the magic of the season through the eyes of a child”. By so doing, I am able to embrace the spirit by which my children dismantle my carefully arranged Nativity scene or unwrap presents once so ornately decorated that even Martha Stewart would be envious. Don’t be mistaken, however. I am not condoning a holiday free-for-all. I am simply recommending that parents give up the need for controlled perfection and accept the reality of mistakes and messes brought on by the curiosity that the holidays inspire.

The above statement again begs the question… How do I do it? By savoring the humor that accompanies these unfortunate and unforeseen moments. Instead of getting upset that “someone” broke all of the candy canes, I choose to laugh at the fact that that same “someone” tried to jam three of them up my two-year-olds nose. It’s surprising how quickly vacuuming up peppermint bits goes when done with a chuckle. Rather than waste my time and energy insisting that home videos be cinematic masterpieces, I allow my children to be themselves and I try not to crack up when the little one picks her nose while her sister sings an energetic rendition of “Rudolph the Red- Nosed Reindeer”. I don’t even bother getting grinchy and grumpy when "somehow" all of the chocolate from the advent calendar finds its way up the stairs and melts itself to my child’s bedspread. I find that stain lifter always works better when applied with a grin.

While it may take practice, choosing to pick out funny moments among the chaos is a prescription anyone can follow. To help out, the following are a few fun memories from my family’s 2010 Christmas season…

Our family embraces “the Elf on the Shelf” tradition. For those who don’t know, this elf visits children in their homes each day throughout the Christmas season. He then flies back to the North Pole each night to report their actions to Santa. Many parents appreciate having an extra set of eyes around the house to ensure that everyone is acting "nice" and not "naughty". Because the elf leaves each night, he returns each morning to a different location in the house. This adds to the fun as many children look forward to finding where their elf has hidden each new day. One day, our family’s elf had run out of places to hide, so, for some reason, rather than hiding in a previous location, he opted to hide in our bathroom. This unfortunately was the same day our children were writing their Christmas letters to Santa. Had I known our elf’s current location having run out of options, I never would have suggested that our children give their letters to the elf to deliver to Santa. When I did make the suggestion, my four-year-old let me know just how ridiculous and inappropriate that idea was. Wow. What were we thinking? I am glad that she made this so clear. Now I am sure that neither the elf nor I will ever make a mistake like that again!

It was neat to learn that our daughter’s preschool teacher still believes in Santa too. Santa thinks that she is so special, in fact, that this year, she even received a letter from the big guy. Included in this letter were the names of each of her students who would be receiving a special gift under the tree. Our daughter was thrilled to hear the names of each of her classmates as her teacher read them off of Santa’s list. That was until the teacher finished reading the list, not realizing that Santa had left out the name of one classmate who was presently on vacation. Our little one came home distraught that her classmate would not receive a Santa gift because he wouldn’t be home in time for Christmas. Despite our attempts to reassure her, our daughter was so concerned for little Daniel that this became the main topic of our dinner discussion during that and the next couple of nights. Everyone was relieved when we attended the school’s Christmas program and saw for ourselves that Daniel had returned from vacation and therefore would be receiving a gift from Santa. Phew! Talk about a close one!

Another holiday tradition that our family has is a special Christmas Eve bedtime recitation of Clement Clarke Moore’s “The Night Before Christmas”. One would think that I would have this rhyme well rehearsed by now, being that I began this tradition during my own childhood. Alas, this is not the case, but I have a compelling reason as to why! Each year we opt to have my father continue the tradition in his beautiful baritone voice. When it came to be bedtime this Christmas Eve we unfortunately were unable to reach him by phone. Rather than keep our children up too late my husband and I attempted to recite the poem ourselves. With even our best tag-team efforts, we were only able to get to the point of “hearing such a clatter” and then “running” to the “window to see what was the matter”. We were at a loss for where to go after “flying” to the window like a “flash”, tearing open the shutters and throwing up the “sash”. Rather than making up a happy ending, the thoughtful parents that we are, my husband and I unwittingly struck fear into the hearts of our small children by abruptly ending the story with “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night”. This incident would soon become known among our friends and extended family as the Crandall family “Nightmare before Christmas”. No relation to the movie, of course, but with an experience like that, what small child needs a movie to scare the wits out of them?

This list of humorous Christmas stories can go on and on, but my point is to help each reader identify those funny experiences that make each family’s holiday season uniquely memorable and special. As each household concludes the holiday season by preparing for New Year’s celebrations it is my hope that this post has done just that.

Who Stole Christmas?

Now that the presents have been opened and Santa has made his yearly debut, it is my hope that everyone can reflect on the Christmas season with fond memories of merry celebrations and all of the joy that the season creates. For all of those who worry that they didn’t jam their schedules full of enough Christmas activities or fear they may have hurt junior’s feelings by having not purchased all fifty items on his “wish” list, allow me to officially let you off the hook! Too often parents get so caught up in providing a “perfect Christmas” and spend the new year with feelings of buyer’s remorse for having splurged on the “must have toy” –remember the Tickle-Me-Elmo doll from the nineties? Others are overwhelmed with feelings of grief from having spent too much time working to make the perfect memory and not enough time being a part of it. It is often these same individuals who get angry at their spouses for not sharing a zeal for going (dare I say) “over-the-top” with festive flare. For these reasons and more, many parents put so much pressure on themselves this time of year it is easy to see how many forget to enjoy the true meaning of the season.

For all those described above (myself included!), I have written the following adaptation from one of my favorite Christmas classics “The Night Before Christmas” by Clement Clarke Moore. This adaptation is a couple of years old and may be recognized by some readers, but I feel it remains relevant for many of us.

(Adapted by Bectoria L. Stafford-Crandall from “The Night Before Christmas” by Clement Clarke Moore)

T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house

Mom’s fed everyone amply so that no one could grouse

The handmade stockings were hung by the chimney with care

So that St. Nick would notice their decorative flare

The In-laws were nestled all snug in their beds

While visions of their return flights home danced in Mom’s head

With Mama in the kitchen

Dad took a nap

When he sees all the gifts he’ll ask “how much was this crap?”

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter

Dad sprang from the couch to see what was the matter

Outside a plastic Santa exploded in a flash

While tearing down shutters and lights with one crash

The torn down ornaments as they rest on the new fallen snow

Made Mom flustered as she looked out the adjacent window

When what to her horrified eyes should appear but a small flaming sleigh and eight incinerated reindeer

With their little old driver now melted to brick,

She knew in a moment they came with the plastic St. Nick

More rapid than eagles Dad extinguished the flames

While Mom bristled and shouted and called Dad some names

That Dasher! That Dancer! That Prancer! That Vixon!

That Comet! That Cupid! That Donder! That Blitzen!

"I didn’t want them on the porch! I told you that at the mall!

Now throw the lawn ornaments away! Melted plastic and all!"

As dry leaves before a wild hurricane fly Dad’s temper met with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So out of the house as coursers he flew

Throwing out all his burnt toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then in a twinkling, she heard on the roof

The grunting and struggling from that stubborn old goof

As she drew in her head and was turning around

Down the chimney her Christmas lights came in a bound

This caused her to stir from her head to her foot

As she looked at her once twinkling lights now tarnished with ashes and soot

A bundle of burnt toys Dad had flung on his back

As he came in like a peddler to open his garbage sack

His eyes- how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow

And poor Mama’s face was as white as the snow

She stomped to the door and clenched tightly her teeth

She turned around and encircled Dad’s head with the wreath

She pulled it past his broad face and then patted his belly

It shook when he flinched like a bowlful of jelly

He called her chubby and plump, like a jolly old elf

He had to laugh when he said this in spite of himself

A wink of her eye and a twist of her head

Soon gave him to know he had something to dread

She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work

Threw out his golf clubs, then called him a jerk,

He exclaimed “I’m so sorry” as she went for his fishing poles

And then giving a nod, she quickly froze

As he completed her Christmas Eve“honey-do” list, her anger did fizzle

When he was done, to bed he flew like the down of a thistle

And she lovingly whispered as she turned out the light

Happy Christmas to all and y’all better sleep tight!
Sometimes all a well-meaning parent needs is to take a step back and reflect on what is truly important. It is healthy for parents to remind themselves that children probably don’t want their parents to be stressed out and overburdened with details and tasks, especially at such a magical time of year as Christmas. Children who are shuttled all over and forced to partake in every single “Christmassy” activity available by well-meaning but frenzied parents may reflect back and ask “who stole Christmas”? Instead, families just may benefit from parents prescribing themselves a yuletide “chill pill” and putting emphasis on small but special memories rather than jamming as much forced cheer into the holiday season as is humanly possible. Perhaps taking a moment to enjoy the magic of the season through the eyes of a child will spark an appreciation for those simpler things that make the season so great and time with family feel that much more special.

Advocating for Cultural Sensitivity: Something to be Thankful For!

As the festivities of the Thanksgiving holiday draw to a close and our household shifts to the feelings and thoughts of the Christmas season, I find myself in an overwhelming state of relief. Many find relief at this time of year in realizing the completion of endless meal planning, food prep or simply by no longer having to clean their homes to the point that it looks like no one lives there. Rather, my relief comes from knowing that the endless, awkward dialogue between me and my daughter’s educators can, for now, be laid to rest.

Having spent many of my growing up years in the Pacific Northwest I am acutely aware of how privileged I was to have been exposed to so many different traditions of the indigenous people of that area. Now that I live in Ohio, where there remains a devastating lack of indigenous people, I knew when sending my daughter to school that cultural sensitivity to North America’s indigenous cultures within the school system may be a challenge. Having parented foster children who attended public school, I knew that this issue would be at its most challenging during lessons planned in preparation of the Thanksgiving holiday. Knowing this, I requested a meeting with my daughter’s school teacher to discuss her curriculum for the month of November. My daughter’s teacher thoughtfully obliged by immediately scheduling a formal meeting which also included the school’s headmistress.

As the day of the meeting approached, my husband and I engaged in long discussions about our value systems regarding cultural sensitivity toward the variety of indigenous cultures of North America. Included in these discussions was the understanding that not all individuals put so much importance on being sensitive to this diverse group. I also had to acknowledge that, during my discussion with the teacher, I may find myself in a position wherein there would be little to no room for compromise with regard to her lesson plans. To prepare for this, we developed an informal list of “non-negotiable” items or values that we did not want compromised by the teacher’s lesson plans. Included in this list of non-negotiable items was any learning activity that projected a negative or unrealistic stereotype of the indigenous people of North America, the use of derogatory song lyrics, images or story content or any subject matter that would make any member of any indigenous group appear less than the cultural majority. While this list of non-negotiable items may seem obvious and simplistic, one might be surprised.

In addition to our list of non-negotiable items, it was also my hope that my daughter’s teacher include into her lesson planning the understanding that indigenous people are by no means extinct, that they are not all the same, specifically that they do not all wear “buckskins”, live in “tipi’s” and that they do not all ride horse. Perhaps my hopes were too high.

When the day of the meeting arrived, I entered into what would become a very uncomfortable dialogue, with an open mind and a heart set on mutual understanding. Soon after the meeting began, my concerns for cultural sensitivity were, unfortunately, validated. After making the statement that she couldn’t promise not to use the term “Indian” during her lessons, my daughter’s teacher, along with the school’s headmistress continually asked me throughout the meeting what was culturally inappropriate about having the children engage in activities like making paper tipi’s for their Thanksgiving table, or coloring pictures of children in buckskins pictured with “pilgrims”. While they were obviously being as painstakingly respectful as they could, when they asked why I had a problem with each of these learning activities, it became clear to me that the two were merely trying to placate a concerned parent rather than trying to reach further cultural understanding through open dialogue.

Finally, when I was asked why I had a problem with counting the “little Indian” heads going into a tipi or reading a story about a “little Indian chief” I had to use what little tact I had to say that such activities are dehumanizing. What soon became overwhelmingly clear to me during this meeting was that I was seen as oversensitive, at best. Knowing that I didn’t want my daughter to suffer from what ill regard her teacher may develop for me as a result of this meeting, I struggled throughout the meeting to remain positive and work toward an understanding. Eventually, I found it necessary to declare a cease fire by stating that it was clear that we had different perspectives on the issue. From there, we went over each activity and piece of curriculum planned for the month while they had me point out which items I had a problem with. The teacher then decided to have the class engage in those learning activities on a given day while I opted to have my child stay home. One of the learning activities that my daughter would miss out on was a craft project during which the children would make a paper head band with feathers sticking out of it after which time they would cut a paper sack to look like a buckskin vest. Because these items would be worn during a class pow wow celebration, and because I did not want my daughter to feel excluded in any way, I opted, instead, to have my daughter wear to this celebration a piece of authentic regalia that would actually be worn to a pow wow.

To say that the month of November proceeded without a hitch would be farfetched. However, when issues would arise, like for instance when my daughter would come home with a tipi or other inappropriate item, I would respond quickly with my daughter by educating her as best I could about the given item and as respectfully as I could with the teacher by maintaining an open dialogue about my concerns. The fact that I did have to remain so vigilant did surprise me, however. As I had stated during my meeting with the teacher and headmistress, it would occur to me that an educational institution would want to continue to learn and always seek new knowledge to pass on to its students. Unfortunately, my experiences over the past month have given me all evidence to the contrary. What I found almost as disheartening as the inappropriate curriculum content itself was the realization that a teacher wouldn’t want to change curriculum over the course of a thirty year career even after having concerns raised by parents.

I don’t claim to have any more than a basic knowledge of the vast number of indigenous groups within this country nor do I think myself qualified to set the standard of cultural sensitivity in any way. To have a conversation with such a person would be, without a doubt, enlightening. Rather, I am simply sharing the real-life experience of a mom trying to ensure that my child receive the most culturally appropriate education possible. I am sure that I am not alone and that other parents have faced similar challenges. It is my hope that sharing my experience offers some sense of camaraderie and encouragement to all those facing similar issues in taking an active role in educating their children.

Cutting Out the Costume Craziness

Let me start this entry with a confession. I am one of those parents who tend to get a little particular about what my children wear for Halloween. Make no mistake, however. Over the years, I have learned to reel myself in and remind myself that Halloween is about the kids and not about how absurdly creative I can be. I know that I am not alone in this as I have seen other parents lose their heads when it comes to kids in costume. I guess confession number two would be that I justify my obsessing over the perfect Halloween garb by telling myself that “at least I’m not as bad as some.” Realizing the error in this thinking, I have decided this year to set aside this poor excuse for justification and write down some helpful suggestions.

Many parents think that they need to purchase the latest and greatest costumes available online or in stores in order properly capture the Halloween spirit. There is nothing wrong with this. I have certainly been known to scour the net and the greater Seattle area for the perfect frock for my little ones. One of the lessons I learned as a foster parent was that whatever I perceived as the cutest “must have” costume may not be along the same lines as what my children wanted to wear. For this reason, I changed my tactics a bit and still use these simple self-imposed rules today with my biological children. Now that my eldest is old enough to choose for herself, I always consult her first and then, without fail, make my first stop our dress-up boxes which hold dozens of costumes ready for the picking. I am always surprised at the time and money that I save in altering something that we already own. My daughter gets a thrill out of helping me create her one-of-a-kind costume and shows a certain pride in wearing it for Halloween.
Okay. So here comes confession number three… I am one of those parents to look for a theme in dressing my kids for Halloween. I’m sure this will be something they roll their eyes at later, but for now, I indulge. Because my youngest is still too young to have an opinion, I try to avoid making her an accessory while trying to match her costume to whatever theme my eldest thinks up. Last year, my eldest wanted to be Sleeping Beauty. We were lucky in that we already had the costume leftover from a recent family vacation. I was then able to use my limited hand-stitching skills to convert a pea costume and matching hat from a mermaid tail that had been handed down from an older cousin. This year, my daughter has chosen to be “Awice-in-Wondawand”. Naturally, I was able to make some additions to a bunny costume we already owned and have our youngest go as the “White Rabbit” from that story.

Once the perfect costume has been selected, many parents lose their minds and become anxious about actually letting their children enjoy their costumes. I have seen some parents make their children take off their costumes before enjoying certain Halloween treats, or even scold them for getting messy during Halloween events. I know that it is fun to keep costumes for dress-up later, but I do wonder what the problem would be with a little spillage or even a stain if the costume is just intended for play anyway. To avoid the worry, I recommend setting aside a time to get the cute, keepsake pictures done ahead of time. Some parents opt to get professional shots but pictures taken at a park, a local garden center with fall color or even at events with cute Halloween scenes can be just as perfect for capturing the memories. Once the perfect pictures are taken, parents should let their children enjoy their costumes, messes and all. Chances are it is those memories and not the costumes themselves that they will cherish.

Pumpkin Carving - A Halloween MUST DO!

By no small miracle, my little family made it, once more, through an exhaustive and fun-filled summer! My eldest child and I survived her first day of preschool and all of the enthusiasm and bitter-sweetness brought on by that milestone-the latter only experienced by me, of course. I am now keeping my family busy through the changing of seasons in preparing my household for upcoming fall festivities. While the stores in this country insist on marketing Christmas items in September, I encourage parents not to miss all of the fun that the current season makes available. In addition to spur-of-the-moment fun that can be had by taking a nature walk, making a homemade wreath of leaves or stomping in some puddles planning to attend events around Halloween can bring some fall excitement as well. You never know, some events may be so fun they may quickly become fun family traditions.

When parents think of Halloween, they immediately think of pumpkin carving. To little kids, pumpkins are a very big deal and I encourage all parents to get as creative and goopy as is physically possible! Visiting a pumpkin patch to pick just the right jewel is a fun tradition shared by many families. Many pumpkin patches go to great lengths to attract the crowds, so a quick online search to see what different activities pumpkin patches have to offer could prove beneficial. Once at the pumpkin patch parents can have just as much fun as their kids if they enter into this venture with the understanding that yes. They will be wet and dirty by the end of the activity and no. Their children are not going to choose the pumpkin that they themselves would have picked. Sticking to these rules can help parents maintain their sense of sanity during this outing. Many parents can find a lot of joy in standing back and letting the photo ops happen.

Once at home, carving the pumpkin can be fun as a family activity or as one shared with others. For many years, our family made pumpkin carving an annual party. To create their unique work of art, many think that they need to purchase a pre-packaged kit, but I have found that cutlery and large utensils from home work even better. A friend even taught me the trick of using coloring pages as templates to satisfy the perfectionist within. Always reminding myself to keep the activity child-centered, I have the child pick the pumpkin theme and then stand back and let the guts fly and the magic happen being careful to only step in when cutting is needed or interest has been momentarily lost. This allows the child to have ownership in the little orange creation and takes all the seriousness out of what should be a fun activity.

What I enjoy the most about the entire pumpkin carving tradition is allowing my children to take pride in what they have created. We always have them proudly display their pumpkins and then take pictures galore of them with their new treasures. While the days get shorter and the to-do lists get longer I encourage all parents to be sure not to overlook this very simple but very fun opportunity. Whether they are spooky or silly, sassy or sweet pumpkin carving is its own special treat!

Back and Ready to Report all the Action!

Coming back from an extended hiatus, I find myself full of the same enthusiasm that I had when I began this blog months ago. Although my interest in pursuing this venture remained, quickly after I began blogging I found myself in a situation shared, I am sure, by many parents who stay at home. Because my family needed more time from me, I was happy to put their needs first and save my blogging for another day.

Part of this time was spent conducting an arduous job search in a very unfriendly economic climate. If I am to be at all candid I must divulge that as hard as I tried it was almost impossible to put my heart into this venture. I am sure that other parents faced with the same issues can relate. While trying to be as selective in finding the perfect fit as the market would allow, I faced an ongoing inner struggle. This struggle came from knowing that while working outside the home would provide my family with greater financial freedoms, I would be leaving my children to be left in the care and influence of someone other than myself.
Shortly after being offered a position, I learned that I am now expecting my third child. This solidified in my mind the need to continue to stay at home with my family and be a resource to them here. Following a great deal of support from my loving friends, I declined the job offer and chose to focus for the time being on my children and my current pregnancy. I feel fortunate that I am in the position that affords me the privilege to stay at home. I also feel a great deal of relief that instantly came with the realization that I am able to continue being a stay-at-home mom which has always been a lifelong dream.

Accompanying my decision not to rejoin the workforce at this time came some very real budgeting efforts to provide boundaries necessary during these economic times. I am sure that these efforts will be reflected in fun stories and helpful hints in later posts.

For now I am happy to be back as a naptime blogger and look forward to all that the future has to offer myself, my family and my readers as my life’s always interesting, never routine journey as a stay-at-home mom continues.