“Just had a conversation with [my] daughter that went something like this… Me: Scowl on face >:0(…[Daughter]: Mom you are grouchy go get lots of glitter… Me: Confused look on face… [Daughter]: Ya know glitter makes everything cool… You need cool.“
The above was a quote of a recent friend’s post. Reading the exchange between my friend and her daughter brought me a chuckle but also reminded me of the all-true rule that children will make their own observations and base their own set of values on what they see around them. When throwing a dinner party once, a toddler of a different friend told me that I needed to clean up some crumbs that a guest had dropped on the floor and she was very concerned about the condition of the floor until I had done so. From the need to clean or the need for more glitter, I am sure that we can think of plenty of examples of how children have adopted the values of those most influential adults in their lives. For this reason, I try to remain vigilant in what I communicate to my own children about the world that we live in.
I know that many parents try to teach tolerance of others. Here’s a shocking confession… I don’t. By definition, tolerance is “the allowable deviation from a standard.” What I’d like to know is who sets the standard? And who’s to say that standard is correct? An example of tolerance given by Merriam-Webster is “a tolerance for other lifestyles”. I don’t agree with this mainly because it seems that the modern definition of tolerance allows us to place judgment on others. I don’t know about you, but I have a hard enough time trying to navigate my own way through this world. Who am I to approve or disapprove of how someone else is living? One of my core values is to try to never place judgment on another human being. Because it is so important to me to teach this value to my children, when it comes to life choices, personalities, or what have you, rather than teaching my children that it’s okay to place judgment, I prefer to teach them to accept, or embrace if you will, the differences between the different individuals they meet in life.
Does accepting individuals at face value mean you have to compromise your values? Of course not, but accepting others means that you accept that their values may be different from your own, but equally as important. Here’s a secret… Others are going to have values different from your own whether you like them to or not!
When we break down the walls of judgment we enter a new realm of social possibilities. If we all quit tolerating each other so much we may be surprised. We may actually begin enjoying one another. What a wonderful lesson to teach the next generation of human beings!
